


love letters in the sand

by palettes



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/F, Light Angst, Slight Internalized Homophobia, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-21 07:05:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14279610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palettes/pseuds/palettes
Summary: Chaeyoung will love, even when it hurts.





	love letters in the sand

**Author's Note:**

> in this universe, a majority of the twice members mentioned are aged up/down for the sake of them being in the same grade. 
> 
> the setting is in japan but they’re doing american school work ( lol what ) please roast me in the comment section im so dumb. love letters in the sand? more like why cant i write romance, haha. 
> 
> the timeline is just: 
> 
> 06 - they're eleven  
> 08 - they're thirteen  
> 10 - they're fifteen  
> im too lazy to type out the rest right now but hopefully that's not confusing. 
> 
>  
> 
> i wrote this as a "small project" to do while i'm working on my gyuhao fic but it ended up being 4000 words.
> 
> why is it so shitty lol HeLP

  06.

 

In sixth grade, Chaeyoung has her first fistfight. Nose bloody, fist throbbing and aching, she sits down against the cool concrete, breathing heavily. Any minute now, the hall monitor will come scrolling in search of stray delinquents and skippers to place in detention. She doesn't have many bruises, just one beneath her jaw, which can easily be hidden. The nose, though, might take some convincing. If she times it right, after school, she'll have around an hour and a half before her mom comes home from work. She might as well skip the last classes; lying takes effort, and she's tired. 

In a sense, Chaeyoung has always been weak. She'd rather bite her tongue than speak up, but luckily enough for her, fists say what mouths won't. Those girls probably won't mess with her anymore after today. It's not as much fun if you fight back. She stands up, dusting her skirt. Before she can leave, the door creaks open slightly. She freezes, heart stopping. A girl peeks her head through, only clear cut black bangs being seen, before she enters fully.

Her face reminds Chaeyoung of a cherub: round and soft. Chaeyoung recognizes her as one of the more quiet people in her class. She doesn't say much, laughing at the occasional joke or two--never at Chaeyoung's expense. Maybe that's why she lets the girl come closer, wraps, alcohol, and neosporin in hand.

"I'm sorry." She says. If the class downstairs was any louder, Chaeyoung wouldn't have been able to hear her, voice carried away by the whispering wind. 

"You didn't do anything." At this, the girl looks up, eyes connecting with Chaeyoung's. It's probably the first time she's actually heard the latter talk, and they'd been going to school together for a year now. If she is shocked, she doesn't show it. She's silent, still, a mutual understanding is being born. As she coats the bruised hand in spots of green liquid, she doesn't speak, doesn't ask questions, doesn't get angry. She wraps the hand with a care, and Chaeyoung wonders how many times she's done this to get so good. 

The girl must hear her thoughts, because after she finishes, she says, "My mom's a nurse. Myoui Mina." She offers a hand for Chaeyoung to shake.

"Son Chaeyoung." 

 

08.

 

Two years later, and Chaeyoung and Mina are inseparable. Mina goes no where without bringing Chaeyoung along, whether the latter likes it or not. When her mom told her about the move to Osaka, she'd protested, cried and cried for days. She couldn't even speak Japanaese, let alone relate to a bunch of strangers who probably already all knew each other. And what about her friends?

Now, though, none of that matters as she shares a waffle cone cup of mint ice cream with Mina down the roads of Kobe. It’s less sharing, and more like Mina feeding Chaeyoung spoonfuls and then laughing when ice cream dribbles down her chin. Chaeyoung laughs too, freely. The streets are calm except for the small buzzing sound of the bullet trains passing through the rails. On the corner, resteraunt flyers are haphazardly placed, some containing Kanji that Chaeyoung still hasn’t quite gotten the hang of yet. Men in pressed suits hold their phones in their hands, chatting in quick paces as they head home from work, presumably. 

In the years that they’ve become close friends, Chaeyoung finds that Mina has only grown more beautiful. She’s lost the baby fat on her face now, slimming out and growing a few inches the summer of seventh grade. The weird feeling she gets when she stares too long is unknown. It’s not envy, persay, because she doesn’t want to be Mina. Unique in nature, it’s one she’s never felt before. Chaeyoung finds she quite likes it. 

She doesn’t stare long much though, feels too weird to do it. Guilt; it’s an odd sensation. 

 

10.

 

Gathered in front of the television, Chaeyoung and Mina spend hours battling over Dance Central. Mina’s way ahead, collecting combos and bonus points as she glides through the routines. Chaeyoung lags behind and tries to not trip over her two left feet. Even if she did, Mina’d probably risk her number one spot to help her up. 

Eventually, Mina wins with two million points. Chaeyoung would like to call it a landslide, but when the screen displays her puny four-hundred thousand, she accepts the defeat.

They sit down in the two computer chairs by Mina’s desk, spinning until they’re dizzy and nauseous. They were supposed to be studying for an upcoming Chemistry exam, but there’s no way she could ever deny Mina. Mina grins as she lays her head backwards against the seat. Chaeyoung does the same, relaxing her body.

They sit in silence, only the sound of the washing machine in the hall being heard as Chaeyoung counts her breaths. 

_One._

Mina hums contentedly as she makes noise, and Chaeyoung imagines she’s probably kicking her feet up against the backpack placed in front of her. 

 _Two._  

Chaeyoung takes a chance and squints open her left eye. The artificial lighting is burned into her retinas, and golden circles are crowding her vision, but it doesn’t matter. Not when she’s got a front row ticket to seeing the complete bliss that shrouds Mina’s face. The familiar beating is felt more vibrantly now. A quick thump. 

_Three._

“Can I ask you something Chaeng?” 

"Shoot."

"Have you ever," She stops, turning to face Chaeyoung straight ahead. "kissed a girl?"

_Four, five, six._

Chaeyoung covers her gasp up with a cough, pounding in her chest getting more intense. She chances a glance over to Mina, and finds the girl looking directly into her eyes. She flushes.

"No. Why?"

_Seven, eight._

Mina moves her chair in front of Chaeyoung's. "Can I kiss you?" 

Chaeyoung clears her throat in between the deep exhales of air out of her nose. 

"Yeah."

_Nine._

"Okay." Mina takes her finger softly, pulling her closer. Their knees bump awkwardly, and Mina spreads her own further to allow Chaeyoung in. Mina doesn't move again, so she takes the first step, thin fingers against soft skin.

Looking back on it, she isn't sure who closed the distance. Was it Mina, curious and impatient, inching near? Or was it Chaeyoung, emboldened by the circumstance, rolling the chair forward? 

She closes her eyes and angles her mouth upwards. Plush, their mouths connect minutely. By no standards is it inappropriate, but to Chaeyoung, it’s the most exhilarating moment she's experienced. They don't move, enjoying the sweet chastity of lip against lip.

 _Ten._   

Mina pulls back first, smile spreading slowly, chest moving up and down. 

Chaeyoung is screwed. 

 

12.

 

"I think I might be gay." Chaeyoung drops her books and they clatter nosily against the floor. They're in a library, checking out materials for a research paper. Mina whispers between the crack of the bookshelves, only her eyes seen through the rows of Hemingway’s and Melville's. It's only three people in the area including the librarian, but Mina still speaks softly. 

"I'm gay, yeah." Oh, Chaeyoung thinks.

"How long have you known?" Chaeyoung asks. She'd discovered her own sexuality two years ago after her first kiss, but she'd never told Mina in fear of misunderstandings. She still remembers the taste of strawberry lipbalm. 

"A little while, I think. I don't know, but I’m sure. Sorry, that probably doesn’t make much sense.” 

“No, I understand.” Chaeyoung sets aside the copy of Moby Dick onto a laptop table nearby. A weight is lifted from Mina’s shoulders as she sighs. 

“Thanks, Chaeng. You always know what to say.” Chaeyoung giggles close-lipped, covering her mouth with her hands. 

”What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t?”

 Mina strolls to her aisle and picks up a copy of Nineteen Eighty-Four. After spending seconds observing it, the cover doesn’t peak her interest, so she puts in back. 

“How many books do you have to check out?” Chaeyoung looks down at her list. It’s all been crossed out except for one. 

“Two. One is just for freetime, though.”

”Why would you ever read during your freetime?” Mina asks.

“Why wouldn’t _you_?” Chaeyoung challeneges, eyes squinting. 

“Touché.” Chaeyoung searches the Lee’s to find her second book. When she locates To Kill A Mockingbird, she picks it up with one hand, taking Moby Dick with the other. They walk towards the front desk, chatting silently to themselves. The librarian takes her time, the dim lighting in the immense spacing making her look weary and tired, her aging lines lying on her skin. She finishes, and hands Chaeyoung the books in a small brown bag. 

Mina practically runs out of the area, Chaeyoung fast on her trail trying to catch up.

Still, the nagging thought of what Mina has revealed is pegging persistently in her mind, ready to boil over.

_Did I taint you?_

Mina grabs her hand as they cross the street to the train, and it coils up, hisses inside of her. She gulps. 

Her seat is hard as she sits down, bland and blank. Passengers drift here and there, crowding closer and closer. Mina gigs on her hand firmly. It’s selfish and hideous, but as she looks down at her hand in Mina’s, she can’t help but feel its anchor grip on her.

 

Down,

down.

 

13. 

 

Their freshmen year of college, wafts of steaming hotpot enveloping Chaeyoung’s nose, Mina meets Sana, her first girlfriend. She’s a cashier at seven-eleven, loves puppies, and can’t stand beans. She likes to dance, and she’s in a group on campus with a couple of her other friends called Happy. She’s learned calligraphy in primary school, and even though she’s good at it, she doesn’t do it that often. Chaeyoung has listened to Mina rave about Sana for so many minutes that she could probably write a biography on her if someone asked. The dull beating of her heart dies down. 

“And, she even told me that JYP contacted her and her friend Momo, and she was gonna take it, but didn’t want to leave Japan and her mom.” Mina drones on like her annoying Calculus Professor, never stopping.

“Yeah, that sounds crazy.” 

“Are you even listening to me?” Chaeyoung looks up from her computer screen to see Mina looking like a kicked puppy, face contorted into a frown. Chaeyoung’s heart jump starts.

”Sorry, sorry. You’ve got my full attention.”

”It’s fine, I shouldn’t be talking while you’re working. I just really want you guys to meet, I want you to get along. I think you’d mesh really well.” Chaeyoung doesn't want to mesh. She doesn't want to see this Sana at all, really. She taps the keys with more force. She's being immature, and she knows it, but it doesn't stop how she feels.

Still, "Okay, I'll meet her." she doesn't speak her mind. 

 

_..._

 

Mina chooses a tonkatsu restaurant near campus. It's nudged in between a karaoke bar and an American themed diner, and Chaeyoung gets lost somewhere in the signs of English, picking out the words that she knows. She orders the miso ramen with the pork cutlets on top. They wait for ten minutes before Sana shows up, Chaeyoung mixing the broth around while she sits. 

When Sana walks in, silver hair curled and thin earrings dangling, Chaeyoung knows she has no chance.

Mina lights up, walking towards the entrance to go greet her. "Chaeyoung, this is Sana. Sana, this is Chaeyoung, but I call her Chaeng, 'cause it sounds better." 

Sana laughs, tiny mouth curling up, "Can I call you Chaeng too?" 

 _No._ "Sure."

Mina orders for her, exclaiming boldly,  _you'll love this_ , pointing out different foods on the menu. The waitress brings out steaming bowls of soup.

When she speaks to Sana, her dialect slips through, and Chaeyoung has a hard time processing what they're both saying. It's been so long since she's heard it; with her, Mina always uses her Tokyo accent. She tries to think of the little Kansai sounding words that she does know, but the constants feel foreign on her tongue, settling strangely. She slurps on her noodles. 

"Chaeng," She giggles after she says it, covering her mouth, "What's your major?"

Chaeyoung sips on her drink. "Undecided. I'm in between Zoology and Marine Biology, but I'm still not one-hundred percent on either."

"Oh! That's a hard decision." Chaeyoung almost rolls her eyes, but stops before it gets there. Sana is a nice girl. She dances, knows calligraphy, and likes puppies. How could she hate her?

 

 

Except for the first twenty minutes, Chaeyoung hasn't talked to Mina at all since Sana's arrived. They spend upwards of two hours chatting to each other while Chaeyoung finishes her bowl, and she's left wondering if this is the first time they've met. Mina blushes as she holds Sana's hand at the register. Chaeyoung pays for them all.

They all walk together on the side walk, but Chaeyoung is edged towards the street more and more as they move left and right. 

She walks behind them instead. 

Wringing her hands out, she spreads them in front of her face, keeps her head down, and looks at her shoes as she steps. 

 

15.

 

Thursday, eight-fourteen PM in Ni-chōme, Chaeyoung slips on her shoes, steps out of the dorm on a mission. A stream of brisk air hits her face. She ease-drops on the conversations of strangers, ears perking up at that familiar sounds of people nearby.

She pushes open the door, eyeing her surroundings before slipping into the bar decorated with loud rainbow flags and even louder people next to it. Groups of three and two sit at tables, chatting with each other and sipping their overpriced drinks. Chaeyoung takes a seat at the bar with wobbling legs. 

"Excuse me." She raises her finger in an attempt to grab the bartender's attention. She turns towards her after passing a tab over to a woman at the end of the countertop, takes one look at Chaeyoung, and squints her eyes. Her face is framed by two thin pieces of auburn hair, the rest pulled up into a neat bun. 

"ID?" She flushes all the way down to her fingertips, ears burning uncomfortably. Her hands fumble with her wallet, and she shakily hands the card to the woman. Fingernails glistening sliver, the bartender pushes it away, giggling softly. 

"I was just messing with you. You look so tense, like you're gonna snap any moment." Chaeyoung shares a small smile, lips tight.

"I've never been here before."

"No," she grabs her chest, clutching at jewelry that's not there, "I would have never known." Chaeyoung laughs this time, genuine. The woman smiles again.

"What's your name?" She freezes, wondering if she should tell her real name or not. She doesn't want to be linked back to something like this. Especially when it's so close to home, especially when Mina could find out.

"Woah, you don’t have to give me your real name if you don’t want, okay?” Chaeyoung sighs, chest deflating quickly. Her eyes scan the bar.

“Mio. You?” Chaeyoung takes a quick sip of a glass of water. 

“Jihyo.” Chaeyoung gasps and raises her eyebrows. 

“Are you Korean?”

Jihyo gives a coy smile and responds in Korean, “I don’t know. Am I?”, leaning over the bar while the other bartender on duty takes over. Chaeyoung almost feels bad for taking up so much of her time when she’s obviously busy, but it’d be weird to apologize. 

“Where are you from, Mio?” Jihyo asks, twisting her head to the side and looking directly into her eyes. Chaeyoung feels heat rise to her face. She turns her head, blushing.

 “I was from Seoul, but I moved to Osaka when I was around eleven, so I guess you could say both. I don’t know.” She finishes the sentence off with awkward laughter. Jihyo smirks while she  scratches the wooden bar top, eyes still on Chaeyoung, and Chaeyoung only. 

“Do you have somewhere to be tonight?”

“Not anymore.”

Jihyo pauses, biting her lip before she settles on her next words, “Wait for me. I get off at one.”

 

 

> _..._

 

 

That’s how she finds herself sitting on the couch of a practical stranger, completely out of her element. Jihyo sits down next to her, handing her a sweating glass of lemonade. 

"I hope this is fine. I didn't have anymore tea."

"It's fine." Chaeyoung drinks the lemonade, sweating more than the condensation dripping from her hand. Jihyo nudges her leg over closer while they watch an old Hollywood movie, blonde women parading in a Burlesque-like show. Chaeyoung clears her throat and takes another sip of her lemonade.

Jihyo looks over, seconds passing while Chaeyoung pauses in her seat. She tucks a piece of hair behind Chaeyoung's ear, leaning in with a soft kiss. Chaeyoung doesn't move; she doesn't know if it's the close proximity or the weird atmosphere, but the feeling that she's doing something wrong won't go away. 

"I'm sorry, I have to go." She shoots up from her seat, finding her shoes and putting them back on. 

"Mio?" Chaeyoung feels another pang of guilt at the mention on the fake name. "I'm sorry, I should have asked."

"No, I'm sorry, It's not your fault at all. Maybe we can hang out again?" She hands Jihyo her phone with her KakaoTalk displayed and waits for her to type in her information. When she doesn't hear any movement, she looks, and sees Jihyo handing the phone back to her. She won't look at her, rose tinting her cheeks.

"If you have something to say, say it." Chaeyoung almost trips over her feet as she ties her shoes standing up. She looks over her shoulder slightly.

"It's nothing. I'll see you again, sometime?" Chaeyoung knows they won't. _Jihyo_ knows they won't, but the thought is a comforting heal to the embarrassing situation. 

Chaeyoung grabs her jacket and locks the door behind her. 

 

16.

 

Graduation comes quickly, complete with Chaeyoung stressing over her cap and gown and final exams. Within two months, her, Mina, and Sana have moved into their new apartment. Her room is massively compared to the last one, and she decorates it with the several art pieces Mina gifted her.

The stress of the end of the year is coming down on her. She cleans excessively to calm herself down (and to have an excuse to stay in her room, away from Mina.) Winter winds carry cold fronts, making her wrap up in a scarf on top of her skirts and boots. She's sure she looks ridiculous, but it's practical enough for now, so no one comments on it. She spends her remaining time applying to internships in the area.

Even now, the thought of what Jihyo told her still pops up in her mind right before she drifts off to sleep, giving her the chance to properly ignore it until the next night. 

She connects her speaker to her phone, strolling for the Z's before settling on Zion T, piano chords flooding the room.

_**Just keep staying by my side.**  _

Mina knocks lightly, twice, before peaking her head in. "Chaeng?" She steps in fully. "We were going to go to a grill for Momo's birthday and get some drinks. Do you want to come?"

Chaeyoung checks her phone for the time stamp: seven-thirty two PM. She stands up by her chair, head already forming a headache at the thought of being around Mina and Sana for more than an hour. She shrugs her shoulders, "Why not?"

**_Will it snow?_ **

 

 

 

_..._

 

 

 

Chaeyoung smiles at Momo and goes to give her a hug, passing her present off with both hands. They'd worked on a last minute presentation in Sophomore year together after Chaeyoung's partner dropped out, and Momo, wide smiles all around, had taken Chaeyoung under her wing. 

"Chaeyoung! I didn't think you'd come." Chaeyoung smiles, eyes glancing at a sea of unfamiliar faces, stomach twisting at the thought of having to socialize with so many strangers.

"Of course I would, how could I miss the Club President's birthday?" Momo punches her shoulder lightly while Chaeyoung holds it feigns pain. 

"Pick a seat, loser! Get comfortable. I'm gonna go bathe in gifts and food."

While she looks for Mina, her eyes land on Jihyo. The girl is already looking at her with widened eyes, face mirroring Chaeyoung's own. She rushes over to the seat available.

"How--no, why, are you here?" Jihyo rolls her eyes slightly. 

"I know Momo, you do too. Want to order something?" She flags down the waiter and orders two large glasses of beer. Chaeyoung doesn't protest, instead, downs the liquid with earnest when the beer is placed on the table. Jihyo raises her eyebrows before smirking at Chaeyoung, taking her own much smaller sips. She turns her head to the left, looking at Chaeyoung again. Chaeyoung takes another drink.

"So, Mio, you go to TKU?" Chaeyoung almost forgets the fake name, but recovers in time to save herself. 

"Yeah. I'm set to graduate this June, though. What about you? I thought you were a bartender?" The beer tastes plain, but it's enough to sooth her sore throat from the harsh winds. 

"I graduated last year, actually." Chaeyoung nods her head, eyes drifting over to the far right where Mina and Sana are seated. Sana laughs loudly at a joke that Chaeyoung didn't hear and slaps Mina's arm, face growing red from exertion. Mina grins down at her. 

"Your name isn't Mio, is it?" Chaeyoung chokes on her beer, patting her chest with a fist and swallowing. 

"How did you know?"

 "You almost never respond to Mio. Also, Momo yelled out Chaeyoung when you walked in." She doesn't ask why Chaeyoung lied, just points out the obvious for Chaeyoung to respond to. 

"I'm sorry." She says, eyes moving again. Sana is alone. Her eyes search for Mina.  

"Are you ever going to say anything?" Chaeyoung redirects her attention to Jihyo. She furrows her eyebrows, asking for a silent explanation. 

"I'm sorry?" Jihyo smiles and shakes her head.

"Mina. Don't you like her?"

She freezes. Her grip on the beer tightens. From here, she can still hear Momo's loud laughter growing increasingly nosier the more intoxicated that she gets. She stands, throwing a quick sorry to Jihyo before stepping out to find the bathroom. The walls twist left and right, Chaeyoung contorting her body to fit. She finds the entrance and slips in. Wetness pricks the corner, threatening to spill every time she blinks. She rubs at them aggressively, frustrated with herself, with Jihyo. There's no real reason to cry, but the tears won't stop coming down.

Mina stands in front of the bathroom mirror. She washes her hands underneath the water, looks up when the door opens. When she sees Chaeyoung's face, she immediately runs to her.

"Chaeng? What's wrong? Breathe." 

 _I love you._  

Chaeyoung curls her hands up into fists. Doesn't touch. Can't touch. Mina looks down and unwraps it, holds the palm in her own. Chaeyoung feels her headache drizzle down into nothingness as the minutes tick by. She opens her mouth. "Nothing. I love you, Mina."

_I love you._

Mina smiles, "I love you too."

 _More than you know._  

 

* * *

 

 

Mina graduates with full honors, landing a job at LG as a general manger of marketing. The pay is good, it's close to home, and it's where her Father has worked for twenty five years. 

In the end, Chaeyoung doesn't confess. She sits at their graduation dinner, eating small bites of cheesecake. Mina and Sana hold hands on top of the table, and Chaeyoung sees sparkling diamonds invading her sight. Before she knew it, the yearning, the guilt she'd felt for all these years wraps around her chest chambers, slithering into the deepest nooks and corners. It's even worse than guilt, even uglier than love; regret. 

She swishes red wine in a triangular glass, bringing it up to her lips to take a sip. The bitter aftertaste sits on her tongue. 

**Author's Note:**

> we love an emo queen.  
> this was so cringey lol i hate writing lyrics in fics but i hope it doesn’t seem too bad.  
>  
> 
>  
> 
>    
> comments are always very welcome!! thank you for making it this far anyway lmao ٩(♡ε♡ )۶


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